Personal Blog of Allen Michael Gurrea

This was all that I can do while trying to understand her. Unless she tells me the truth herself, all I can do is judge based on what she is showing me.

The day I decided to move on, the “her” the I saw that day was the coldest “her” ever since I got to know her. Retelling this story to my friends makes them angry at her but if I think about it, there are two sides to that story. Either (1) the bad part, she really is cold to me or (2) the good part, she’s hiding something. This can’t be proven unless she speaks out herself. Since I will never have a chance to know the truth, all I can do now is speculate and make theories out of it.

Anyways, my message here is that you should not hate her. It is not part of my moving on phase. If someone has to hate her, then it has to be me but I choose not to hate her. I don’t want to be called a bitter fool and I will not get anything from hating her. Also, hating her would mean that I am still thinking of her which is something I should not do since I want to move on and I have cut my ties with her.

I had a talk with my friends and also with my mom about my current situation. It was suggested and I was also thinking of ending ties with her. What would that mean? It means that I will no longer communicate with her, remove anything that may remind me of her (*sings only reminds me of you*), remove contacts of her such as in ym, cell phone and friendster. In other words, forget about her! Read more »

Forget what I said before that I recovered. I just realized last week that it was all a lie. I was lying to myself and to everyone when I said that I have already recovered.

It’s true that I am not anymore in a depressed state where I would listen to sad songs to further add to my depression. I no longer think of why we broke up. I no longer blame myself nor her for our break up. We continued to be friends and chatted as friends but as days passed, I realized that I’m still stuck on her! Read more »

I guess too much thinking blurs my perspective. In regards to the friendship part, I’ll let it pass. I’ll do my own thing and I will not resort to such measures in order to get out of being stuck. I’ll do my best to get unstuck in my own way. ^_^

I guess, with this chatlog, I can grasp our situation more clearly… Although it made me confused.Hmm perhaps I know why lately I’ve been having a hard time. It’s because of this day!!! Our supposed monthsary if we were still a couple. Oh well.

Being friends after breaking up

I thought that only the relationship status has changed. I though it was easy to become friends. I thought that nothing will change much since it was only the status. I realized, all these thoughts were wrong. If they were correct, then why I am suffering now? Read more »

I had a good sleep that night. When I woke up, I did not feel sad nor feel that sadness I did when I woke up the other day. I felt … normal.

When I think about it, what was I being depressed about? It is because we have broken up? It was more on the idea that I lost her, not only the relationship but I was afraid that everything would be gone. However, due to her clarification on what was really broken up, I have lost my reason to be depressed. In other words, how can I be depressed if I got no reason to be depressed?

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